she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
