I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
