my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
