"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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