dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
