some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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