You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
