i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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