Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
