I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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