Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
