I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
