my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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