Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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