Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
