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im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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