oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
