I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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