im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
