i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
