Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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