cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
