i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
it's great music for shaving your balls
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
