five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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