Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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