Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
