If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
