She went from zero to smokin in five shots
honey bunches of taint.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
