oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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