I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
