Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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