just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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