That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Randomize
