apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
