I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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