oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
