She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
areolas are like halos for boobs.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Randomize
