If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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