he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
