I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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