all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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