how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Randomize
