i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
