I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Dicks are not precious.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
