if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
FUCK WHALES
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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