You smell like stripper and shame
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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