Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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