he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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