okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
