i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
