I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
