I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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