so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
