Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
