You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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