i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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