Non-Jews are for practice
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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