So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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