All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
