Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
