just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
