I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
