I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
