Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
